


Being Dia is Suffering

by C_Inferno



Series: LLS! College AU [3]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Comedy, F/F, It's mature because there's so many innuendos, RIP Dia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-28 21:24:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13280154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/C_Inferno/pseuds/C_Inferno
Summary: Dia doesn't know why she's friends with these people. They're all terrible.





	Being Dia is Suffering

**Author's Note:**

> A random moment in College AU!

“Ok, Dia, this is an important research related question. Research--so don’t hurt me.” You holds an imaginary microphone up to Dia’s chin, seemingly unafraid of the narrow gleam she’s giving her.

“What’s your question?” Already sighing, Dia can tell she’s going to regret indulging whatever ridiculous inquiry she will have.

“Tits or ass?” Dia visibly stiffens and the narrow gleam becomes a pointed spear. “IT’S RESEARCH, DON’T HURT ME.”

Kanan, Chika and Mari giggle in the corner and Dia wonders how on earth she’s gotten herself stuck with possibly the worst combination of human beings on the face of the planet. _Come hang out with Mari and I,_ Kanan had said. _It’ll be fun,_ she said.

She neglected to mention that they would be going over to Chika’s apartment and, whether intentionally or not, she _also_ neglected to mention that You would be there. Dia barely liked the two of them separately, but together they were unbearable. Riko was spending time with her mother and wouldn’t be there to buffer what were essentially the human equivalents of fire and gasoline. She could count her blessings that Yoshiko wasn’t here either.

“I refuse to answer that question,” she snarls, ignoring the boos she receives from the peanut gallery.

“That’s because the Kurosawas are a tit family and Dia prefers ass,” Mari says from across the room and Dia prepares to slaughter her. Even though she can’t articulate a response, the rage in her eyes has enough power to set fire to the sea. Mari gives her a smug look that’s just so incredibly _her_ and digs herself deeper. “It’s a real scandal in the family--Mr. Kurosawa nearly disowned her when he found out.”

“How credible is this information, Mari-chan?” You asks, eyes wide and excited.

“We used to date. Dia always had a soft spot for me a--”

“Mari-san,” Dia cuts her off slowly but aggressively. “I’m going to break into your home one lonely night and I’m going to creep into your room and slit your throat in your sleep. Actually, no, I’m going to wake you up first so I’m the last thing you’ll ever see.”

“How romantic, Dia~”

She grits her teeth. “No.”

Chika clears her throat, shifting her eyes between the two of them warily. “Are you guys gonna fight because that would be really hot.”

“No offense, Dia,” and Dia can already tell by the hesitation in You’s voice that she will in fact be offended, “but Mari would break you in half. She’s built like a brick ox.’

Appalled, Dia gasps and Mari rolls over on the floor, holding her sides and cackling like a lunatic. Dia’s face turns bright red. “Sh-she most certainly would not! And the expression is ‘built like a brick sh--like a brick house,’ you uncultured heathen.”

“Semantics aside, Dia, can you even throw a punch?” You asks with a raised eyebrow.

She angrily crosses her arms. “A lady does not throw punches. She exchanges blows.” Well, that was a mistake. The entire room ignites into a fit of laughter and she realizes she’s stepped on a landmine. “STOP.”

“I’ve got a blow you can exchange.” Chika is fighting back tears and Dia wishes she were back at home, nestled under a blanket, watching a movie with her little sister who would never behave in such an immoral manner and--great, now even Kanan is laughing at her.

“Sure, Dia. Ladies don’t throw punches, they just get their asses beat.”

Dia’s brow furrows.

“Fight me, Dia!” Mari’s shrill voice cuts across Dia’s mortification and as Mari pats her biceps excitedly, Dia assesses her odds. They’re not in her favor.

“I would pay half of my organs to watch Dia and Mari fist fight on my floor right now. You can take my entire life if they start making out.”

“No! I’d punch her before I kissed her.”

“FIGHT ME, DIA!”

“NO!”

“KISS HER, DIA!”

“ABSOLUTELY NOT.”

“BLOW HER, DIA!”

“SHUT UP, CHIKA.”

Kanan finally speaks up again and it’s as she pulls out her phone from the pouch of her hoodie. “I have an idea, let’s call Ruby and ask her if she thinks Dia would win in a fight.”

“Leave my sister out of this. Besides, she obviously would side with me.”

“I agree, she would be a biased opinion. Let’s call Riko-chan.”

“Riko-chan is with her mom and she’ll kill me if we call her right now. Sorry but not sorry guys, I love that pussy a lot more than I love this conversation.”

“Chika-san, _I’ll_ kill you before she even gets the chance.”

“Ok, tell you what,” You begins. “We’ll all agree to pretend that Mari wouldn’t absolutely annihilate you if you promise to answer my very important research related question.”

Dia huffs and folds her arms again, practically growling under the breath. They watch her eagerly, all four of them leaning in for her response like baby birds waiting to be fed. She weighs her options. Refusing the question would spare some dignity, but at the cost of accepting that Mari was better at her than something. The thought made her entrails writhe. If there was anything Dia did not do, it was lose. And when it came to Mari, Dia would rather die.

“Ugh, fine. Mari’s right.”

“Right about…?”

“My _preferences._ ”

“OH SHIT! Dia, do you even know what this means? You and I are comrades. We’re bros!” You is too happy. “I thought I was the only one who could appreciate a beautiful, shapely ass. What’s your type? You like one you can slap, right? Right?!”

“Please stop talking.”

“I feel like I’m seeing you in a whole new light, Dia! Up yours, Chika, Dia’s on my level!”

“Take her then, I’ll be too busy motorboating Riko.”

“Fine, it’s not like she has anything there.”

“More than Yoshiko.”

“Why would I sweat over boobs when Yoshiko’s ass is worth its weight in gold.”

“Guys, quit arguing over who has the hotter girlfriend when it’s clearly me,” Kanan sneers.

“Tits or ass, Kanan?”

“Why choose when you can have both,” she purrs, drawing Mari in close and kissing her neck.

“Drop dead, thot.”

“Does this mean I can’t fight Dia?”

“I’m honorbound to inform you of this, Mari-chan, but Dia can kick your ass.”

Mari’s derisive snort makes Dia’s forehead heat to uncomfortable levels. “Ok sure, if we’re all just gonna lie then I agree Dia can kick my ass.”

“Mari-san, all it takes is one well aimed shot. I have the money and I have the resources.”

“I have more of both.” Her eyes narrow as her grin widens and they glare at one another for all of a very electric thirty seconds.

“...please make out already.”

“Chika-san, shut up.”

You raises her hand suddenly. “Ok, I have one more important research question and then I’ll be done.”

“I’m not answering any more of your questions, you beast.”

“Ouch, words hurt, Dia.”

“Why are you word-bruising the Bromeo to my Broliet? I’m telling Ruby-chan that you’re abusing us.”

“Leave my sister out of this, please. She’s too innocent to fully comprehend what cancers you both are.”

“Actually, I’m a Leo.”

“Yeah and I’m an Aries.”

“You’re better off just indulging her, Dia,” Kanan says without looking. She’s not looking because her hands are up Mari’s shirt and she’s burying her face in the crook of her neck.

“Kanan-san, can you keep your hands to yourself for five fucking seconds?”

“Answer my question and I’ll roast Kanan like a chicken. I’ll make sure it’s extra brutal since we’re bros now, Dia!”

“I request that you also roast Mari.”

“Done.”

“What is your question?”

“When you and Mari were dating...how awesome was the sex?”

“I rescind all involvement with this conversation. Goodbye.”


End file.
